Obtained my A level results this Friday and well, I wouldn’t say I’m happy but I can’t say I’m sad either. AAD/E wasn’t exactly what i expected but I’m happy I managed to get two A’s at least. However it sucks to know that I might not be eligible for psych at NUS. I’ve kinda dreamt of going there since sec3. Nevertheless, it’s better than not qualifying for any uni at all(:
2010 was a hectic roller-coaster for me. I really missed the start of 2010 but everything went downhill from there. It was really the most emotionally and physically draining year of all. Firstly season took it’s toll on me but I really loved all the training sessions w my team mates. Despite juggling 3 ccas, I had a heck of a time w them all(: Then there was orientation. I got to say, best moment in AC has got to be Orientation 2010. Had an OG named Pyro which had kids who were extremely spontaneous and made the life of an OGL really fun! No doubt I made many good friends as well!
Then came the rest of the year.
Up till now I ask myself why. Why did I ever go back? I had a chance to end it all but I came back. BIG MISTAKE. You took me for all I had and laid it to waste. All those letters and gifts to me, what were they for? A bait to lead me on into something uncertain? I waited a whole fucking year just to hear that all you see me for was just a classmate. And up till now, I still miss you. I seriously don’t know how to describe what you’ve done to me but honestly, 2010 was really ruined by you. Why did you take so long to end it? You could’ve told me you felt nothing instead of waiting till i fell hopelessly in love w you. Furthermore you always ask me why I disliked him. Tell you why. You won’t know how it feels like when you see the very person every morning to school w someone else and when you ask to even walk just once you get rejected, and the very first chance I got to walk, you overslept. Next, I see you messaging him ALL DAY LONG. I’m not being petty here, but it’s extremely frustrating to watch and pretend I’m okay. Next, studying w him at times after school and how you make me seem so invisible when I can even be right in front of you. Lastly, you’ve always been so passive in our friendship and active in that group. And no matter how hard I try to make you see, all you do is deny. I’m a fucking human w fucking feelings as well, spare a thought for me. This is why I can’t do this. I don’t wanna see myself in such situations anymore. Studying alone almost every single day in preparations for A levels hoping you were by my side but you never showed. Wishing I could spend a couple of special days w you in 2010 besides Valentines’ Day. You didn’t know how much it hurt during prom. I’m tired of being your doormat, your substitute only when all other options aren’t free. It would be nice to be a priority in your life without having special occasions to dictate it. I don’t know if you ever read my blog, but I need to let it out.
P.s I still love you.
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