I guess I’ve really no outlet t speak besides this blog. I’ve things I want t say t you and much more that I wanna apologise for. I didn’t think things would take such drastic turns and I shouldn’t have done what I did. I really don’t know what the fuck was wrong w me. I know it’s more than just the alcohol. I’m really sorry for what I did. I was really vulnerable and kinda drunk. I know it’s no excuse for my actions. You’ve been a great friend t me and well frankly I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I just hope things will take a turn for the better. Didn’t wish for such an incident t happen. I’d understand if we weren’t talking anymore, it was my fault after all. I really crossed the line.
Seriously, I don’t know what’s wrong w me. I don’t recognise myself anymore. Things have changed so much and I’m become a stranger t myself. Things are really starting t fuck up now. I fucked up j2, messed up a friendship and started so many things that I’m regretting. Maybe I’m trying t run away but I’m becoming a complete alien. I hate this and I know that I’m better than this! I can’t shake off the fact that I’m hurt, yet I’m turning t actions that hurt others. I’ve got t stop this.
hi. just dropping by. saying hi. great now i sound like one of those spam messages on cbox.
anyway, as your old (unfortunately for you) but now ex-(i can hear the relief) teammate, gotta say, alcohol is great, but not too great either. not gonna discuss the specifics of influence substance, but let’s stick to the retarded me. that’s how good days under the influence make you. bad days is just me on amplification.
look, i probably can empathise with what you say, and what you might have gone through. well, from the picture i’ve pieced at least from bits and tidbits of info here and there. im not gonna say whether what you did was right or wrong, but fuck it, we all need to make mistakes. and fuck it again, one man’s mistake is another man’s gold.
it’s probably bloody random to you, but i just figured i need to say some things. we each have our own shit to do and go through. some times we find others who have gone through the same. we laugh, we joke, we share and exchange experience and wisdom. we maybe move on.
i ain’t that guy. at least that’s what i think. that’s what you think too, i think. you, me, common ground… seems like a blue moon is more common. reality aside, i’m just here to offer a few words. i’m still retarded, and sometimes i get some of my best moments in figuring out my own shit by observing others, problems or not. that’s who i am. so yes, i just happen to stumble upon your blog, probably quite regularly. hey, your first self-confessed cyber stalker. methinks. milestone for you!
i’m banking on the fact that you’ve got nearly zero comments since whenever, so i can say whatever i need to say without fear that people might remember i am always in the background observing, and thus cramping my retarded, annoying jackass image. so here goes:
joshua, you were always one heck of a confident guy in sec school. but everyone’s got to have an achilles’. at least one. sometimes somehow someone finds it and happen to tear us down with it, real bad. on purpose or not, who gives a royal fuck. no seriously. your life is you. you make your own rules. someone did it on purpose, fine, move on, you’ll get back at them someday if you want to, because you’ll be stronger, better, by then to decide. we all inevitably fuck up.
we all fortunately find out after awhile. so good. we decide to pick ourselves up. put a stop to the screw up. fact of the day, you might still fail occasionally. even after that resolution. fuck that. pat yourself on the back for the effort, then move on to the next challenge.
put it in point: we’re all inevitably weak somewhere, and someone is bound to either exploit it or hit that spot by accident, and sometimes it just happens to be fatal. and the burnout after the crash aint spectacular either, but it isnt irreparable either. it’ll take time, but you will get there. not because most people have, but because you’re joshua.
i know this doesn’t sound like me, i mean come on… serious talk from me? (this is supposed to be remotely serious and deep) so keep it that way. keep it as a personal… joke
that Phoebe the Joke offered you advice. hopefully writing and finding words for you helps me too. if not, i’m just happy i took the time out to write this.
By: canann13 on March 18, 2011
at 4:59 pm