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A mouth doesn’t speak,

a life does the talking.

Just what declaration are we holding up?

Finding it a simple question to answer?

think again..

God is just not fair.

God is just, not fair.

Whatever it is, I’m thankful(:

It’s approaching, impending doom/pleasure/excitement all packed into a cert.

Ever said such things?

Cannot lah..

Eh it’s impossible

It’s too difficult

On the basis of logical thinking, many things we want to achieve we deem as impossible. I admit, sometimes, before I start on any task, I question, I doubt. Be it the numbers game, the size issues, I always contemplate the consequences and the probability of success. I don’t set ridiculous goals, of which mine are reasonable. Yet I still forget the very fact of my backing, of my support. I’m bound by the block of humanity, the enclosure that limits my thoughts, my dreams. What I may deem as achievable may now seem impossible. Well, I guess this is where faith comes in. I need to break free from what has been sealing my mind up from dreaming. At times, it’s extremely hard to put my trust in God, like currently, I’m having mixed feelings. The element of doubt is persistent, and I’m trying my best, pondering over the commonly heard verses such as Luke 1:37, Philippians 4:13. I ask, why do these people in the bible proclaim such things? Well, basically, it’s true, and with God, any happenings can be out of this world.

Lord, my faith in you is what’s gonna allow me to break free from this humanity bound mindset, take it all and work in me (:

here i am back again.. I’m all too familiar with this very situation. Let’s see…. prelim 3 was it? Shrouded in uncertainty, engulfed with worry, the question is, “have i met up to my expectations?” here i am cross-legged on my bed, waiting for the time to come for the collection of my results. I’ve know I gave my very best, but what would show on the cert? a double digit? a single digit? Putting the possibilty of a bald head aside (inside joke), I am sincerely worried, 4 years of utter turmoil has finally come to this. Judgement day, as what would some people will say. A view of what God has in store for me, a whole new revelation into my next 2 years. The path has been set, but the way is unclear, leaning unto faith as my guide is all I can do. They say a little faith is enough to see mountains lift and move, just how would God work? Well, I’m laying it all down, I surrendering all, my world is his. like what i used in my pm “天空属于你”

Come what may, I know it’s the best for me (:

First of all, i realised my blog’s practically half-dead. im sorry i didnt blog faithfully =/

anyway, camp flew by, xmas flew by and 2008’s gonna fly by in a matter of hours.

compiling 2008, a whole chunk of vocab could be used to describe it, but i guess the best word would be fun. i laugh at the very fact that a lazy bum like me has overcome the big O’s and that i didnt die from over stress. basically, God’s really pulled me through this entire year. i’ve shared to some about the problems i’ve faced, and i wanna thank those who’ve been there for me (:

well, im excited for my results, be it bad or good, i really wanna see that very cert i know i’ve worked hard for. y’know this is one of the things i really set goals for, haha

anyway, i was intending for this to be a heavy post, with regards to the title, but i guess my brain capacity is practically dead, lol i shall try uploading vids and stuff of some comtemporary songs that really captured my heart (: and maybe some pics too!

well i guess if there’s something i wanna talk about, it would be this ^ .. the death crawl.

i challenged human physicality, fortitude, tenacity and ability. it was a complete killer and plain suicide. CE did it anyway. the task was tough – 250m to carry someone. despite bruised and grazed kneecaps, shredded quads and sprained shoulders, we didnt complain. what was etched into our minds and hearts stayed that day. it was a mark, a mark of leadership, stewardship and servanthood. we felt what it was like to be at the bottom, denying ourselves and carry the burden. it was horrible, a few of us cried after comepleting a 100. after all, we wanted church camp and not boot camp =/ however, im still glad we did it, great lesson learnt (: we had many other challenges, but none of which were so tiring as the death crawl.

well, kudos to ric who came up with it, i wouldnt call it saddistic as CE is saddistically mad for christ as well, haha

and i guess we couldnt have done it without the kind souls who offered support for us, cheering us on(:

I’ll keep this mark, it’s in me, it’s on me, cuz I belong to Jesus. (:

alright ytd was a really memorable day, nt great really happened. i was kinda sick. so i had cg and stuff with extremely lame jokes and headed for central sports event with absolutely no idea i was running a high fever and very very sick. i felt fine..

so after the event and stuff, i went back to bishan to meet ric. that’s when everything began…

i tried to sleep on the train, and when i opened my eyes, i was nearing orchard. my eyes felt really blank, and the next thing i know, i was being helped out of the train. i apparently blacked out. i had cold sweat and stuff and i felt really disoriented.

some kind soul helped me back, and before i reached bishan, i fainted again, this time hitting my head quite hard. i had to be carried out. i really thought i was gonna die at that point of time as i really didnt know what was going on. but on regaining conciousness and stuff, many things went through my mind. i had a sense of regret as i fell, a regret as if i’ve not complete something. i remembered apologizing to god for not giving my best. i ask myself  “what would the very last thought of my mind?” regret? accomplishment?

and for humours’ sake, during dramas people say that the one you truly love (relationshipwise) would pop up in your head as the first thing when u regain conciousness. well, im glad no such thought popped up (:

here’s a question posed to anyone who reads this, what would be the first and last thing on your mind? please comment(:

hello people of the world, im back from manila. phenomenally well-priced and delicious food aside, it was an extremely eye opener and the most practical spiritual lesson that i could ever ask for. lemme start off with day one…

1.

we settled down at some apartment and set off for hope manila. we then split off into 3 different groups for CG. i had the privilege of staying at the church to wait for one of the high school/uni group. what surprised me was the high atmosphere of worship the CG possessed. no cool guitars, but just a tambourine and a set of overwhelming vocals (i fervently declare that the filipino’s are extremely musically inclined). they sang their hearts out that day. what i saw was really the heart of worship they possessed, how they sang in total surrender and how they really displayed the value that God was their only audience.

next was their testimony. i expected it to be like what it’d usually be in Singapore, thanking God for traffic, weather etc. oh how they proved me wrong. what i saw completely contradicted what i had in mind. They shared absolutely everything in their lives, and with complete openness. they say openness breeds openness, and i could really see the bond they shared. there were even tears. i don’t mean not thanking God for the small things in life is good, but the way they shared their testimony really showed how much mutual trust they had for each other. they continued sharing and took turns to pray for each other, continually asking for prayer requests. using the cliche term that love is in the air would be perfect. they offered help by praying for their CG mates, praying hard and desperately for them.

they spoke mostly in tagalog, of which i had the bare minimum of vocab i could grasp. but their actions spoke really loudly and clearly of how they cared for one another. there’s one very shepherd that really inspired me. she travelled 3 full hours just to meet her sheep for like half and hour? and considering that they aren’t very well-off, what she did and sacrificed really gained my respect. her name’s Angie btw. and during sharing, she cried so hard for her sheep. though i had the faintest idea of what she was sharing, i could see that her heart was genuinely caring for her sheep. it got me thinking, “do i worry so much that i cry for my sheep?”

and this is just day 1 (:

2. okay, day 2

first we went to one of the universities to evax. the people we talked to were extremely open and they were from the top music school. and their gift of music was superb.

okay, then we headed off to Hope San Pedro’s in a trishaw(:

okay, what i saw really gave me a shock. i thought we’d be attending a high school CG. but what i saw were KIDS! apart from their cute and innocent nature, one could really see a young generation rising up. i saw the importance of retaining every single believer, and the true meaning of starting young. the seed had been planted in them at such a young age. and i stand in awe at how God can use them despite their age. a 3 year old was even clapping to one of the praise songs played. it was like looking into the future. seeing how these young people would rise up one day to lead people. and their childlike faith would be the very asset they possess that would take them very far. they were super proactive and responsive, rushing to answer any question posed for them, and actively participating in any activities.

when it came to testimony, they really shared about how God has provided for them in their lives. despite their brackish background, they still gave thanks, knowing that only God could give them a better life.

and seeing their young age, i was reminded of the sec1s in Singapore, and how they’d grow up one day, being used greatly by God. God reminded me that it was a privilege to be a channel of God’s overflowing love, incomparable even to the vastness of an ocean. We are a chosen generation 1 Peter 2:9

Their innocence also reminded me on how much influence their leaders had on them. The higher up we are, the more we lose our right to live our lives our way. People start to follow us and we don’t want people to get the wrong habits. as the saying goes, anoiting flows.

Yes and the main point is, no one is too young to lead, and God can really use ANYONE.

okay, time for the pics of some of the really cute kids (:

omg, this may sound reeally corny, but this boy really captured my heart. he’s super small and very very cute. haha and he’s got a beautiful name – heaven(:

3. okay, day 3.

Day 3 was the most impactful day of the entire trip.

okay, we went to more universities to evax. something interesting happened. i was invited to join a fraternity, or a gang as we would call it in Singapore (they call it fraternity as it’s cooler) and their “membership” process is a brutal one where the person has to get beaten up before they can enter. often resulting in death. and i started thinking as to why people turned to groups such as these for love and assurance, which clearly, is just fake “brotherhood”. and also, i saw 2 boys beating up another boy. it all happened to quickly to stop. but i thought back, of how i might have ended up walking down that road. it really dawned upon me that just how much responsibility the believers have in the hands. i could finally taste the burden for people, and maybe even worry for them. they really had the exceptional need for Christ in their lives. My eyes were open that very day, and i really saw just how much people need the love of God.

oh and i got to talk to one of the leaders of Hope Manila. Her name is Dulce and she’s 30. She’s a working woman who has known Christ for approximately 5 years, yet she leads 37 people
and she has 3 sheep of which they lead 1. she is in charge of all the others and has to balance her
time to meet them. and i was like dumbfounded when i heard of what she’s doing. and at times i feel that shepherding is tiring. gosh, i felt so guilty then.

4. Moving on to day 4..

alright, we had MCG on that day. the best part was at the end where each of us took turns to share our personal testimony. it just served as a reminder of how God has moved through our lives and how we were changed. we redefined our purpose in life, a one that’s God directed. i fully understood the power of testimonies that day. people wrote to us saying how our testimonies have impacted them. and well, im glad to have made an impact in someone’s life (:

the other days were all very close to what i learnt of the past 4 days. i really wanna thank God for the chance to go to Manila. It was an extremely educational experience. Somehow, i cant fully describe what i learnt with just words alone, so do ask me if you see me, i’ll be glad to share(:

pictures another day, it’s like 5.17am, goodnight/morning (:

Complexity leads to the basis of understanding. What a paradox(: